insomnia at the museum

at work. 9 or 10 hours of sleep in the past three days. sleep deprivation's starting to get to me. gonna giggle like a prospector. ask little kids if they've seen salad fingers.

dream

"why, thank you scarlett johansson. i will have another pork chop. i...wait. what the fuck is that?" "i think it's your alarm." "no. no goddamnit! no!" "don't worry. i'll be back." "really?" "yeah, with lou dobbs." "noooo!"

hottie

staring at a 300 pound woman with a permed mullet. she looks like mick foley did it with andre the giant. "groaaar that feels good pretty lady." nice carl's jr. bathroom accident offspring in an oversized navy blue american flag tee. gary's finest.

keepin' it real

the landlord's handymen came to change the air filters in my apartment this morning. i had to pretend like i wasn't some sad sack of shit that'd been up all night. the plate of hot nachos on the den table might have been a giveaway. what? those? those are my breakfast nachos. what about it?

commercial

saw this brinks home security commercial. it opens with a girl in her thirties seeing her other thirty-something year-old friends out of her house after a small get-together. she turns to this blond guy and goes "it was nice to meet you, a.j." a.j. shyly goes "yeah, you too." she points at her friend and mouths "who is that guy?" her friend mouths back "i dunno." a few seconds later he's at her back door. she goes "a.j.?" he has this huge frown on his face and punches in her window. the alarm goes off. alright, aside from being a comically stupid and far-fetched scenario who the hell lets some random dude dressed in a flannel into their house and then lets him hang out for hours on end without saying anything. "oh, these hickory smoked nuts are delicious. stop me before i eat the whole bowl." "hehe i know. creepy guy, would you like some nuts?" "i'm gonna smell you." "what?" "nothing."

a thought

i just had a mental picture of a neo-nazi blaming inanimate objects around his house for things that go wrong. "pizza's cold. you're going down coat rack!" "it didn't dvr HOUSE. graaaaahhhhh ottomaaaaaan!"

jewelry

tunnel of love tennis bracelet just sounds wrong.