accidental pregnancy

saw a woman in the museum today. she had a bed sheet wrapped around her child's waist as sort of a make-shift leash. when it comes time for that kid to get a higher education his parents are gonna write "college" on the garage and spend the rest of the money on meth and slim jims.

kwanzaa gift fail

my team

the cubs win today is like being proud you only crapped your pants a little.

24 hours in guidoville

i think the new jersey state flag should be an entourage season 2 dvd making uncomfortable advances at a bowl of pasta.

r.i.p.

gary coleman 1968-2010: watchoo talkin' about death?

gray hairs

poured some ranch dressing on my chicken sandwich. it came out too fast. i looked at it. a bird chirped.

i'm 28.

explanation for my absence

i'm building a fat robot named gravytron.